GEORGE CARLIN ON “YOU ARE THE CARBON THEY WANT TO REDUCE”

(c) 2025 AIMAGINARIUM (created with the help of an AI)

You ever notice how every few years the people in charge come up with a brand-new way to scare the shit out of everybody?

Used to be God.
Then it was communists.
Then terrorists.
Now it’s carbon.

Not pollution, not corruption, not greed — carbon.
And guess what?
You’re made of the stuff.

Convenient, isn’t it?

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“YOU are the carbon they want to reduce.”

Oh yeah, baby — that’s the new slogan.
It’s catchy. It’s hip. It fits on a bumper sticker.
And it tells you EVERYTHING you need to know about how these geniuses think.

Because when they say “carbon,” they don’t mean coal plants or private jets or oil tankers.
No, no — those are fine.
Those belong to important people.

They mean you.
Your existence.
Your breathing.
Your offspring.
Your driving to work in a 20-year-old car that barely makes it up the hill.

They talk like the planet is gonna die because you bought a plastic straw once in 2014.

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THE ELITES WANT “SUSTAINABILITY” — FOR THEM

Here’s the thing, folks:

The planet is fine. The PEOPLE are fucked.

And when they say “people,” they don’t mean their people.
They mean other people.
People who shop at discount supermarkets.
People who don’t get invited to Davos.
People who don’t own property in five countries and a bunker in New Zealand.

Those scumbags flying in on 300 private jets to talk about reducing emissions?
They don’t want to reduce their emissions.

They want to reduce you.

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THE GREAT "YOU FIRST" ENVIRONMENTAL MOVEMENT

These bastards say:

• “Eat the bugs.”

• “Give up your car.”

• “Live in a pod.”

• “Stop having children.”

Meanwhile:

• They eat steak flown in from Argentina,

• they drive armored SUVs the size of a house,

• they own yachts that burn more fuel in one hour than your car does in a year,

• and their kids reproduce faster than the Roman Empire.

But you are the problem.
Because you breathe wrong.
Or something.

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THE REAL PLAN: MANAGE THE HERD

Let me explain the whole thing in one sentence:

The rich want fewer poor people.
Not fewer rich people.
Fewer poor people.

That’s it.
That’s the whole doctrine.
Dress it up in science, activism, veganism, yoga pants — it’s still the SAME SHIT.

They think the world would be perfect if everyone made $500,000 a year
and agreed with everything they say.

Since that’s never gonna happen,
their backup plan is:

fewer people.

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CARLIN’S FINAL WORD

You wanna know the truth?

The people running the show don’t give a shit about you, the planet, or the future.
They want power.
They want control.
They want obedience.
And they want a world where nothing interrupts their champagne brunch.

So when you hear “You are the carbon they want to reduce,”
don’t think it’s a conspiracy.

Think of it as customer feedback.

Because they’ve been telling you for years what they think of you.

And now they’ve finally found the science-y, eco-friendly way to say it:

“You’re taking up space, asshole.”